Political Soup Republican Style

Well it's been a few months now since the GOP had their political serge. Boy they have hit the ground running. Now the only unfinished business is making sure President Obama will not get reelected. So Mitch O'Connell made it known to all his republican flock let's focus on our many potential candidates that may slam the door on President Obama's chances for a second term. Mitch McConnell told John Beohner and Eric Cantor it was time to do a little something for their fellow members. They needed to show a little appreciation for their hard work they have been putting in. John Beohner and Eric Cantor were put in charge of this task. Boehner suggested to Cantor, how about a soup. I have recipe for frog leg soup you wouldn't believe. Folks loved it in back in Ohio he bragged. Cantor informed Beohner that they were fresh out of frogs. They both turned and looked a picture of Mitch O'Connell. That old fool wouldn't fit in the pot they both laughed. So off to the market they went.

They searched for a large pot. Cantor yelled, got one. They both agreed they needed to boil their meat in water with a little salt added for seasoning. Boehner turned on the faucet and nothing came out. Oh no! He screamed, There's no water. This really upset the senator from Ohio to the point of tears. Lots of tears. Cantor thinking quickly placed the pot just below his friends chin. In a matter of minutes they had plenty of salty water. Cantor placed the pot on the stove and sat at the nearby table and comforted his pal. Boehner later added alphabets to the soup. He wanted all of the potential candidates to names spelled out. Just a few minutes later the pot boiled over Mike Huckabee, Mitch McDaniels, and Haley Barbour, boiled out. To their surprise the mighty "Trumpster" or "The Donald" as some may call him lay stuck to the stove surface. Damn, they both shouted. This soup may be a little more difficult to put together than our Obama take down Cantor smirked and then they high fived each other barely slapping hands. Now the two are seated at the table again. Cantor and Boehner discussed how they felt the GOP plan was falling in place. Come 2012 Obama will be out. They didn't promise the American voters much of anything and they both thanked God for that and chuckled. These two went on praising Scott Walker and his all out attack on teachers, the government workers and all the rest of the hard working people of Wisconsin. Neither of them could decide who deserved the most praise. They couldn't overlook Paul Ryan with his throw grandma off the cliff plan, Chris Christie of New Jersey and his school budget cuts(that were ruled unconstitutional), Rick Snyder known as dictator to most Michigan voters now, and Rick Scott the least liked governor in the nation oh the list went on. We've got the wind to our backs Boehner squeaked. Cantor changed the subject after seeing his friend once again getting all misty eyed. You really need to get that under control John. They added some vegetable and other seasoning to the boiling pot. Once again these gents are seated at the table. Cantor turned on the TV. He flipped channels until he came upon one of those shopping channels. The feature of the day was a diamond necklace. It went for about $45,000. John Boehner said that's pretty. He reached for his wallet. About that time Cantor said, I smell something. A slight noise was heard. Lord the soups burning they both yelled as they rushed toward the stove. Damn it! The two shouted. They decided to pour the top of this soup off into another pot. Everyone knows if you don't stir down to the bottom, that foul scorched smell will not contaminate the rest of the dish. Like a little child Boehner couldn't resist the temptation. He dug in with a wooden spoon scraping the bottom of the pot and looked at the scrapings. Well there goes Newt he said. You mean he's finally out Cantor sighed. In our red, white and blue dreams mumble Boehner. No John, Cantor replied. You mean in our sparkling diamond dreams. Newts an embarrassment to to the party and he should find a way to get his waffling carcass out of the race..Then he could hang out at Tiffany's all day if he chooses. Just think $500,000 dollars in bling like he's some kind of closet pimp. Finally their soup was done. They placed mats and name cards at the table. Cantor rehearsed a speech he'd previously written. In a loud voice he recited the republican agenda. Naming off their accomplishments for now and later. It all boiled down to praises for serving their masters such as Corporate America, Big Oil, and people like the Koch Brothers. Cantor thought to himself,  I can't believe how smoothly things went for us last November. We said we would focus on jobs he continued thinking to himself. We did ours he was grinning now.  I didn't have to make promises to the annoying poor people and old folks. To hell with polls and outcries from the public. Once one of our candidates get the republican nomination and win it will be "Oh happy day."

Well, about that time Harry Reid walked in. He inquired about the festivities. Both Cantor and Boehner boasted about how they felt their plan was falling place and they would have a new republican president come 2012. They explained that's why they were serving up this soup. Neither of them new what to call this dish. Frog leg soup just didn't sounded festive and yummy. Harry Reid offered a suggestion. They listened. Reid looked both of the gentlemen straight in their eyes and In a firm voice he replied," I have a name for your soup." Boehner and Cantor waited excitedly almost like two little puppy dogs. Reid said, How about the two of you calling this slop "A Snow Ball's Chance In Hell" or "Out of Touch! " There was a deafening silence in the room. As a matter of fact the room was so quiet you could hear a rat piss on cotton. The pair stood there with their mouths open. Cantors glasses slid down his preppie little nose. Surprisingly Boehner took this one like a man. Maybe he was all cried out in the MIMI Zone. Hey everyone it's just for laughs. See y'all again in the MIMI ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!